episode 24 : Songs for Mr Cookie

I feel a burdened in my heart one after another.
Suddenly I'm thinking about Mr Cookie.


This song in this playlist is all for Mr Cookie.'ll put the translation so people could understand the song.

Music Playlist at MixPod.com

The song "Heartbeat" really portrays me a lot.
All I'm feeling is in the song.
The song really says my heart out.

"

Can you feel my heartbeat
the heart that you stepped all over and left
is still beating. and it’s beating for you

no matter how hard i try to forget
no matter how many new people i meet
why do i keep thinking of only you when i turn around
i don’t want to do this anymore. i want to stop.
no matter how many times i try and try to stop myself
it’s no use. my heart is broken. why

why do i keep doing such foolish things
i know in my head, but why is my heart rebelling
i’m holding on to you and can’t let go.
it still feels like you’re next to me.
i can’t believe in farewell

no matter who i meet, i can’t open up one part of my heart and i keep your place empty
there’s no reason for you come back, but why do i keep thinking that you might come back
why isn’t my heart listening

listen to my heartbeat. it’s beating for you
listen to my heartbeat. it’s waiting for you
don’t i know that it’s over. i don’t understand why i’m like this
listen to my heartbeat. it’s beating for you
listen to my heartbeat. it’s waiting for you
it still hurts thinking of you. i think of you every time my heart beats

i have to forget. i have to forget in order to live
i have to erase it. if i don’t, i’ll die
stop trying to get her back. she ain’t coming
she’s gone, gotta be moving on
she left. she won’t come back. she doesn’t think of you.

she doesn’t know that i’m waiting for her, she’s doing well
she already forgot about me, totally erased me.
why can’t i do that

listen to my heartbeat. it’s beating for you
listen to my heartbeat. it’s waiting for you

my heart is beating faster and faster
my heart is beating faster and faster
my heart is beating faster and faster
my heart is beating faster and faster

"


The song "7 years of love" is what I predict to be my future.
Where I can't seems to forget Mr Cookie and still wanting him.
Well it's been for 4 years now (almost 5 if include this year).
Another 2 years more and it will be 7 years.

"

We met for seven years
No one knew we would say goodbye this easily

However we still separated
With the memories we built for a long time, now gone

How did we at such a young age
Meet each other, I don’t even remember how
Difficult for us to handle the maps of our changing selves

They said saying goodbyes are painful
But I didn’t even have time to feel that
I just thought this is the way staying composed

(Chorus)
But I cried
Time passed it gave me a simple yearning
Different from what my mind was seeing
At first friends then next as lovers
We said we’d stay as friends even if we separated

During those 3 years spent alone
We contacted each other sometimes

Even if I met someone else again
Even I loved again
Whenever I was sad I would call you without a word just tears falling

You have to meet a good person
I thought in my heart without any words
I asked if you still liked me without any thought hoping you say it back

(Chorus)
I know
We had the most pure love
Back then we thought that kind of love couldn’t be done again se we saved it in out memories
Often I feel a cold feeling from you
But now I know you can not ask anything

“I’m getting married” is what you said to me
After that for a long time I was speechless
Then I cried they were your last words to me
For the only words I wanted to hear was that you loved

"


The song "Dead at Heart" portrays how dead I am when i realize i loose him.
But of course we never officially dated and we never meet in rain or sunny days..
It hurts a lot when i know i lost him.
But i still wanting him.
But I know i can't get him back.

"

Really, what did you do during this love year
after letting you go, i felt like i was going to go crazy and die up until yesterday

in that long period of time, there’s only you who left me..
having no other thoughts but of you.. that’s how this year is passing by

the memories of that rainy day when i went to go find you
the clear sunshine that shined down on us when we walked together
none of these have left me.. inside my head, it makes me slowly die

all of my friends have become adults.. but me.. still like an immature child
having no other thoughts but of you.. it’s just like being dead

the memories of that rainy day when i went to go find you
the clear sunshine that shined down on us when we walked together
none of these have left me.. inside my head, it makes me slowly die

i can’t understand our breakup.. even now i imagine our future
even after our breakup, just like how my heart is always living by your side..
it’s as if it’s dead

i stop the moments that i loved you
even when we’re together, i won’t be able to remember you
if i just think that i wasn’t any of these.. then it’s nothing
if i can’t forget you.. it’s as if i’m dead

"




In conclusion it hurt a lot when i loose him.
And it hurt even more because I'm depressed right now.

Episode 23 : Felling down + 2010

I want to be honest.
Dropping grades + class, make me feel extremely down.
I'm really exhausted.
I hate being old.I want to stay 15 forever.
I'm tired.I know people never aspect much from me. Neither do I.
Because I like being second or being in the middle. That's why I never try so hard in anything I do.
Because even if I try so hard, it never work.That's why i giving up on everything.
But I hate being last! I hate being out of everything.
I don't want to be a NOBODY, neither do i want to be a SOMEBODY.
I just want to in the MIDDLE. I want to be ME!
But sometimes, I did try.Maybe not trying so hard. But I did do something that usually I won't do.
And people just don't understand. They never see me. They never did.
And it hurts a lot when you try to do something for somebody but they always fail to see that. And it hurts more when they put the blame on you.
That's how i feel.
That is the one thing that weekend my moves.

I try so hard to make people likes me.
I try so hard to change my attitude.
I try so hard to be a better person.
I try so hard to make people proud of me despite all the negative pieces of me.

And as i try, there are people who see my hard work.
These people make me strong and make me want to work harder.
But it all last for a second.
Until the person who I want to show the best side of me fail to see it.
And it not only weakens me, it also destroy me bit by bit.
Until there is no more goodness left on me.

I did try not to hold on anyone.
I try to be independent.
But I'm just a NOBODY without ANYBODY.
I need someone to hold onto.
I need someone who will be there to see when I fall.
I need someone to tell me to be strong and trust in me.
I need someone to share my happiness (but the sadness I'll keep to myself).

But the one person that i thought could actually be it, is not it.

But know I promise my self.
Starting from today onwards, I'll work even harder for MYSELF.
I'll be the best for MYSELF.
I walk the empty roads by MYSELF.
And I must do things for MYSELF.

But still, I hope people around me supports my back.
Only from your supports I can success.
But never once try to drag me down coz i won't see it anymore.

Until I restore my BEST-self, I will keep silent until then.
Please don't force me to speak. Let me be silent for a long while.
But text me if you need anything (because it doesn't involve talking).
Hope everyone will understand.

Episode 22 : Crying again

This time I cry again not because of some stupid matter but because of some serious matter.
I'm really sensitive.I admit.
I watch some videos in school just now.
And it saddened me to see people got kill, even though if it's not a live show.
But i enjoy watching this kind of videos.
But my heart is to fragile, making me cry when i watch the video without me notice.
And i still can't stop crying even though i look away from the screen..
The image of the peoples who were killed are still flashing in my mind.
How cruel is the world...?
The innocent are killed and the guilty got escaped with the crimes they done.
This world is really cruel.
Why don't God stop it..?
It saddened me a lot, and it feels like my heart is ripened into pieces..
Rage take place in my heart. I pray to God so the people who killed the innocent will die a tragic death and will be in HELL forever.


Todays' prayer:God save the world from cruelty. Open everyones' eyes to peace and harmony despite being different in every aspect. Let us all learn to live peacefully with each other and respect each other. Let us all go to Heaven and be by YOUR side my LORD. Amen.

Episode 21 : My latest jpop addiction!!!

Arashi!!


Hey! Say! Jump


KAT-TUN!!

Episode 20 : Leona Lewis new single - Happy

I really like this song + the music video.
I was like OMG!!!
Everything goes perfectly in the beginning but at the end it's just....(watch the video if you want to know more).

watch it!

Episode 19 : One Day To Go Before Merdeka!

Today physics exam is the worst!!!
Sir, how can you do this to us (especially to me!)!.
Why your questions always look simple but it's not really how it seams?!?!
How can you be so good in doing such a question..???
Kudos for you for being a genius.
I'm sure failing this time!
Because of YOU (more on me sebenarnya.haha.but you who make it worst though.xp)!

Anyway, tomorrow last paper!
Can't wait though.
FREEDOM!!!!
I have a long list to do after exam..

That's all for now.
Will be back very soon!!!! xp

Episode 18 : Cameron Highland Family Trip!

I was like so excited about this! =D
But i know it's still in exam mood.
"Study AG,Physics and Modern maths pun belum lagi!!!"..
I know!
But i'm sacrificing my whole weekends to go to the family trip over study for exam!!!
LMAO!
Anyway,I'm failing anyways.
This year my results are the worst out of the worst!
Next year I'm surely gonna drop class!!!
I know I should work hard, but as hell knows me, I'M FREAKING LAZY!
My 2010 New Year Resolution should include "1)RAJIN! 2)STUDY FOR SPM!".
I think that's gonna be my first New Year Resolution in my whole life!!
I never had any motif in life, so i guess this is a good shot aite ?

p.s:I need tutor for Chemistry, Additional Mathematics and Physics Subjects.Anyone interested? Do contact me. ;) (I'm half serious about this :p. But if you have suggestion or willing to help me, I'll be happy about it. THANK YOU!)

Episode 17 : Oh My God!

I thought tomorrow exam Biology, then now I'm reading Biology.
Then I saw HIM post about Add Maths!!!
what!!!
I tak study apa pun!!!!
GOSH!!!
Fail larh me!!!!

p.s:dah lah tak pernah pass Add Maths! :p

Episode 16 : Being an Admin..

It's tiring!!
I have to keep update ever seconds!!
Can't focus on study and other stuff..

I've to put a limit..
But news come every seconds...GOD!!!
What I'm gonna do now??!!

For now I'm not focusing alot on w-kpop
I only update here and there.
And post a few stuff only.
Since the other admin going to have SPM, I'm not bothering her much.

But do view the blog kayh!
I put a lot of effort on it!
I've put the link on my list of blogs at the right bar.
Thank you!

Episode 15 : Sorry..

I was being immature and ridiculous.
I get mad over something that's aren't relevant.
I know I was wrong.
I was sensitive + egoist.

I accept the apologize (even though I know i don't deserve it).
And now, I want you both to forgive me.
I'm sorry for being immature, for being stupid and mostly for being who I am.
I seriously love you both.
You both light my life when i really needed someone.
I guess that's why I'm acting like this.
Maybe I just don't want to be left out.
Don't want to be left alone...again.

I'm sorry for ignoring both of you.
I'm sorry.
I don't dream for you to forgive me, but i do want you to know that i'm asking this forgiveness.

Again,
I'm sorry for being me. =(
I won't bother both of you anymore, if that's what you want.
I'll try my best to endure it.
Even though it might make me in pain.

p.s:I'm truly sorry.This song is dedicated to both of you.

Episode 14 : Interesting video part 2

Another illusion video...
Really interesting.
Do watch it.

Episode 13 : I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M CRYING!

Again, after my dearest "younger brother" case last year, i cried again for people..
As I stated before, I love people around me.
And sometimes, I love people to much.Until i think of them as my own blood.As a part of me.As my family.
That's why I treat them like how I treat my family.
I get angry at them.I scolded them.I give advice.I joke with them.I play with them.And all...

But when they cheated on me, lie to me,and didn't take me seriously when i'm serious. That's where the point where i'm gonna be sad.

That's what happening now.This seconds when i'm typing these words.

One of my "elder brother" didn't take me seriously when i'm serious.
Let me tell the truth.I'm serious when i am.

He think i'm just joking about it.
About that facebook girl, I am kinda jealous.
But hey, it's up to you what you're gonna do about her.
Who am I to butt in your business..??
What I'm really upset is about what happened last Saturday.
I was upset when i knew you were here, but i didn't get the chance to see you.
But I thought I could get over it.And I sorta did.
But when your "dearest boyfriend" provoking me, that's the point where I get very upset.
I feel angry + upset + depressed.
But hey, NO ONE take me seriously aite..?? As i expected.

Because i was so sad with the incident,I decided to delete that "elder brother" as my facebook friend.
But still, NO ONE take me seriously.
Days have passed, but my heart just get more depressed.
All my shoutouts and status, only contains my depression.
Until my other "elder brother" asked me about it.
I told him about the incident. And he asked me to forget about the both of them and about all those.He asked me to not hate people.
So I did.

But after that. The "elder brother" that made depressed, ask me to forgive him.
and i put an icon shaking its' head sideways.Because the sadness that that I remember is so bad. It's hard for me to forgive him.
But as I expected, NO ONE take me seriously.
Then my anger rise again.

After a couple of hours, my other "elder brother" besides the both two that I mention above, ask me; how am i doing.So I said; I'm sick.He asked me to take medicine.Then I said; how can I take medicine when the heart is the on that is sick?

Today, a few minutes before i start typing this post, the "elder brother" that make me depressed say that he was so sorry.
He didn't know that i was THAT serious!
He said that he did want to come and see me.
Owh really??!! I didn't know that? Was that my bad for not knowing? Or my bad for hoping so much?!
I was CRYING when he he send the chat message.
I can't believe I'm in TEARS again!!!!
GOD!!!

In my prayers i always include these people;
1)Me
2)My family
3)My Relatives
4)My "Elder Brothers"
4)My "Younger Brothers"
5)My friends
6)All people in the world.

But lets' say I'm in a hurry.I'll include these only;
1)Me
2)My family
3)My "Elder Brothers"
4)My "Younger Brothers"
4)All people i the world


Thats' showing how much I love THEM!
And how much I trust THEM!
And how much I am HOPING for THEM!


But I know....
...YOU DON'T CARE...

Episode 12 : Interesting video part 1

I saw this video a couple of minutes before posting this new post.
It's really interesting.
How our brains works.Illusion.Colours.Light.And all...
The video is mainly about optical illusion..

Do watch it;

Episode 11 : DAMN YOU BOTH!

Kalau ikutkan, I wasn't going to write a blog post until the end of October.
But this one case make me really want to write an entry.

Last Saturday, my family wasn't around in Penang, they went to Manjung,Perak (accept my elder brother, he has what-so-ever-camping)
I decided to be left behind because I want to study for the coming exam.
Things were going on perfectly, until...
This guy nicked named Quincy, make me so angry with what he said.

This was our conversation via Facebook last Saturday.

QUINCY: oih.baru nak on

Amy: lol..kenapa, rindu??haha

QUINCY :tadi orang pi rumah x nak jemput masuk

Amy: bila???

QUINCY : dekat pukul 3 kowt.ur abang ada sidai baju?

Amy: 3..???my abang sidai baju...????ya ka..?

QUINCY: yeap.i bawa present

Amy: huh....?tak perasan pun.....

QUINCY : sapa suruh.kan dah miss

Amy: bawa present untuk apa..?

QUINCY: untuk u la

Amy: adoih~~i was kat luar tadi..

QUINCY: present datang dari perak

Amy: what!!! (at this moment i know what "present from perak means")

=(

:'(

QUINCY : yeap

Amy: i was kat luar okeyh..you ada kasi salam tak..?tak kan!!kan!!kan!!!LOL..

QUINCY: x de

Amy: i hate you

Quincy: :D .hate me la.u yang x mo check kat luar. ( at this moment, I feel like kicking his BUTT)

Amy: i ada kat luar time tuh okeyh...i was there!!i hate both of you okeyh..so just don't say a word to me dah ( i was very serious with what i said at this point!)

QUINCY : lalalalalala (when he wrote this, I was like "what the heck??I'm serious! And you think I main-main pula!!)

Amy: i'm serious.i dah memang pissed ngan dia.. ( owh yea.I was pissed with that "guy from Perak" because of some issue.i'm not intending to talk about it)

now with you to..

QUINCY : btw dia yang decide xmo masuk takowt silap rumah (takut silap rumah!??what??!! You said you saw my abang! That's mean I'm in that house larh!!!!! Takkan my brother nak sidai baju kat RUMAH ORANG LAIN!!!!! That was the most Stupid alasan I've ever heard in MY LIFE!!!)

Amy: i hate both of you!

QUINCY: thx (thanks??!!!! What was that supposed to mean!!!!!)

7:20pmQuincy is offline.

Bawa present from Perak for me??!!!
Takut silap rumah!!??
What the HECK with those statement!!!!!
Seriously, I was DAMN ANGRY!!!
I really want to meet that guy from perak since like the last time I saw him!!
I miss him like DAMN LOT!!!!
I was upset.angry.cheated!
But i guess HE DON'T care ABOUT ME.AT.ALL!!!!


I feel like crying.
The next day I didn't eat the whole day because I was to DEPRESSED!

I guess you BOTH are HAPPY if I'm in bad conditon??!! huh!!??
And i guess you BOTH will be in top of the world when I DIE!!!!!!

Episode 10 : More on My latest BOYFRIEND!

Here's some songs from MY ♥ !

Song : By an Angel




Song : I'd love you to want me





p.s: I'm so in ♥ with HIM!!

Episode 9 : I found a new LOVE!

The week before one week holidays, my Biology teacher showed a video to our class.
The boy was singing a song.
It's a pretty touching song ( I cried in silent listening to it T_T ).
And the boys' voice was very angelic!

Today i decided to find that video again.
Just one time search, I found the video.(yea!)
I just found out that the boy is 18 this year (awesome!).
He's cute + very talented!!!
I fell in LOVE imediately!!!
His name is Declan galbraith.
He's my new BOYFRIEND!!!
Don't steal HIM from ME!!!!


Here's the song;

Song:Tell me why
By:Declan Galbraith

Episode 8 : I..uhm..You..uhm..

I have mix feelings right now..
There are guilty, anxious, jealous, pity, sorry, stingy, etc. etc.
I don't know why.
The feelings just come..

Many things happened to me lately, in the past few weeks..
It happened so fast, I can't keep track on them.
I love Him.
I love Her.
I love Them.
I love Us.
I love EveryONE.
But to much love makes me in pain.
But less love makes me feel insecure.
I won't achieve a moderate love (that's the point).

What should I do..?
Is it a SIN to LOVE..?
Is it a SIN to GIVE IN..?
Is it a SIN to try to GET SOMETHING..?
Is it a SIN, just being ME..?

SomeONE please tell ME!!!
TT_TT
=,='

Episode 7 : Second Cousin part 1

I'm not really close with any second cousin..
But I am close with this specific second cousin..
Technically speaking, i'm close with the family..
For years I haven't contacted them..
I really miss them a lot.

Lately, we got to contact each other via facebook.
Isn't it awesome??

Here's the chat:

Amy (A): Hello?

Second Caousin (SC): Hello.haha,

A : Kenal tak nih??

SC : Kenal sangat2,athirah kan?hahahaha.

A : Amirah, Athirah adiknyer..

SC: oooo. Athirah yg suka maderz tu kan? ahahahaah . Hang suka die jugak kew?

A : huh????haha..kalau ya pun, kenapa??

SC: hahah. Bagi tau dia. hahah. Hang suka kat die lah...KANTOI.......HAHAHAAH

A : sudah.sudah...dia takder kat situ kan??

SC: ade kat sebelah sye

SC: die ckp die x suka hang die suka athirah.

A : Tak cakap pun suka kat dia lol...lalalalal.....ngee~

SC: hahahah merajuk.....

Amy ; mana ada..takder maknanya..:p

SC: ade makna nya.... hang cinta kat die . hahaha :D

A : mana ada!!! jangan nak merapu yer....lalalalalalalalalalala~

SC: hang cinta dia. bgtau dia ! ahahahahaha

Amy : sudah lah....

SC: ok ok ok . hang kat na????

A : kat rumah,dalam blik.lonely.ko umur berapa??

SC: lonely im mister lonley. hahahahaha... kat Penang ka??

A : yerp,still in the same place^_^

SC: dah berapa lama ar tinggal kat sana...??

A : erm...berbelas tahun dah..

A : from first hari lahir

SC : fuyooooooo..... mana achi saya kat sana baru berapa tahun.

A : achi kat india banyak..huhu..ko umur berapa sekarang..??

SC: 14 thn....knapa??

A : woa~besar dah ko erk..

SC: hang berapa...??

A : beza umur kita dua tahun...kira larh . huhu

SC: ooooo 16 tahun

A : yerp..

SC : ooooo

A : korang nih tak tidur lagi ka??

SC: nanti, pukul 3 pagi

A : sempoinya....tak ngantuk ka??

SC: sebab malam2 boleh chat ngan awekkk . x kantoi...hahaha..x lah nanti pukul 1 tengah hari bru bangun . ahahaha

SC: hang tnya saya, hang x tido kaaa....??

A : aiseh, ada awek dah..kirim salam kat dia..huhu..tak lagi, nak buat homeowork kejap

SC: adolah.... hang ade no fon x nanti kim pic awek kat hang..ni no sye (_____) tpi fon abis battery ...

A : ada.ada..

SC: apa2 01487644 tekn2 x dpt .hahahaha .ooooooooiiiii .ok lah nak offf ar nak on myspace pulak pastu friendster .bye. kirim salam kat semua.

A : insya-Allah

SC : bpa nombor hang?? . ok ar xpe nanti sms kat no sye...bye

Amy : kk

THE END


p.s; it's the best conversation i ever had..^_^

Episode 6 : Two Days more to HARI RAYA!

Busy.Busy.Busy.Busy.
That's the only word i know.

18/09/09
At 1 a.m. later, i'm gonna do same baking until 4 a.m.(It's 9.24 p.m.,17/8/09 now)
I didn't had much sleep last night.And tonight I have to do the baking ( which is lame. )
And after that i'm gonna bersahur then get back to sleep.
After that i'll try to wake up at around 9.30 a.m. (despite my lack of sleep).
Since I have to clean up my rooms and cleans up all the darn! cabinets and cupboards in my house (it's a must!).
Then on the evening I need to pack up my bags (because i'm sure i'm gonna be 85% busy on Saturday, it's better to pack my bags earlier).
Then night time, I have to pack my homeworks + stuff that need to be done before school starts)
then i'll get some sleeps at around 12.30 a.m.

19/09/09
Then i'll wake up at 7.30 a.m or 8.30 a.m.
Help my mom for last minutes-things-to-do.
Not to forget my cupcakes! (iznis' recipe of course.it was tasty. Thanks izni, for the tasty recipe!)
^_^
Night time, my family and I will be heading to Taiping, Perak !!!!!!!!!

20/09/09
WE'll sembahyang Raya!!!!!
woot-woot!!!!

../09/09
~Pay family+relatives+friends a visit to their house!~




That's pretty much what i'm going to do starting now.
I'm gonna post my checklist,which I did in class this morning, later.
It's a long checklist (the longest i'd ever did.obviously.lol)
I'm ending this for now.
Buhbye~


p.s: thanks for the Raya Card and Raya wishes

I WISH YOU ALL, SELAMAT HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI, MAAF ZAHIR DAN BATIN.
KALAU ADA JARUM YANG PATAH JANAGN DISIMPAN DIDALAM HATI,JIKA ADA SILAP DAN SALAH JANGAN DISIMPAN DIDALAM HATI!!!

Episode 5 : New Kpop idol group !

The name is....... HAM (What?? are they kidding me?)
The name is somehow bothering...
But i check out their debut stage, and i found out they are cool. ( not so bad i mean.)
It's better than i expected (which is good =D)

Here's the video;